A change for the better

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Now some of the most observant amongst you may have realised that the blog title has changed. I am no longer the walking cliche 'New Year, New Me' but am an old english phrase '(That's)The way the cookie crumbles'. I like it and I might change it again and think it's extremely stupid but at the moment it stays. 
My week's been interesting to say the least. I caught up with the bff last night which was brilliant. We always seem to talk for ages on skype and he makes me laugh way too much as well as talking about some really deep shiz. Some might say we have a strange friendship but it's ours. 

Now that I've stopped gushing I'll move onto the rest. We set a date for the bridesmaid fitting which is very exciting! It feels like everything for the wedding is finally coming together. The stress levels are always a constant but they are moving down from critical and the alarm has stopped blaring. 
I also have been going through old papers and just random things I've kept from traveling and school. This was both very therapeutic and brought it all back. All those feelings I thought I had dealt with came bubbling to the surface and threatened to drag me back into their murky depths. Luckily, I went through it with my mum and I thoroughly recommend that, if you have old stuff to go through which you've been putting off, you do it with someone else. It really helped me just get through it and not dwell on the bad times too much. I cleared out old tram tickets, maps, hostel cards, pamphlets, letters and photos which had my past life and broken promises scattered throughout. 
It was actually amazing how much I had forgotten and also how much time I used to spend trying to make my friends lives better with origami star messages and spontaneous letters. When our friendship broke down this time last year, I thought it hadn't been worth it. Everything I'd done for them had been for nothing, but now I know that I'd do it all again because it wasn't a waste. I am still kind and try to make people laugh or smile in their darkest days. I will always try to fix things or at least give them something to live for and look back on their day and think it was worth it. I am not ashamed of that and it doesn't make me vulnerable or weak and the fact that I can still trust people after what has happened in my life is testament to my inner strength. 
And if anyone is reading this and feel like they have to be hard and not trust anyone ever again in order to be strong, you don't. It's okay to have time to mourn what's lost and put yourself out there again. Retain what your core essence is and use your kindness to make yourself strong, not hard and cold. It may take a while but that's okay. One day without even realising you will know that you're okay. 
All my love xx


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About Me

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" Hi! I'm a 21 year old student, and this blog is here to document my thoughts, feelings and events that happen in my life. I hope you'll enjoy reading them and get some comfort from knowing that you're not alone. So sit back, grab a cup of decaf tea and join me on this journey we call life.

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