Trusting again

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This is a topic which I often think about as trust has always been (and still continues to be) something I struggle with. Like many people, I have been let down by people who were supposed to look after me and people whom I loved and trusted. Whether it’s someone who you have been close to for years or someone who is in a position of authority over you, being let down is never fun. Over my life I started to get a catchphrase of sorts when this would happen; “Everyone will let you down eventually”. Not the most optimistic motto to carry through your secondary school life. In my head, it helped me to not get hurt. I kept my distance in friendships and relationships which meant that when they eventually broke down or I was let down, I could just cut them out of my life and move on.

Now I know this sounds very cold and calculated but I honestly thought that was the best way to deal with hurt; cut them out and never give them another chance to hurt me. Obviously, this did not stop me being hurt or feeling betrayed by these people but it instead did something more harmful. I kept everything inside, the little shards of my heart still sharp and painful but locked up. People only saw what I wanted them to and bit by bit it was getting less and less of the real me.

What is the point of me telling you this? You may be asking. Well, curious reader, this is to show you that I’ve been there. At that lonely place where you keep everyone at arm’s length, you don’t forgive and you keep saying “everyone lets you down eventually”. Amazingly, there is a better way to deal with the pain.
Firstly, you have to let it go aka give it all to God. Easier said than done, right? All that hurt and anger and betrayal is not good for you. It’s stopping you from fully diving into great friendships and gaining freedom from being vulnerable. Lay it all down. It helps me to just have a proper rant to God. Every little thing that really upset me, from the seemingly small to the enormous, can't-put-it-in-words-without-crying things. Embrace the vulnerable!! When you are ready, share it with others. Choose them and pray about it wisely but once you have opened up to someone the weight starts to lift. Basically, you face your fear of not trusting people head on as being vulnerable with someone is a small step towards acceptance. Speaking things out loud can be really healing when you’ve kept it in for so long. Writing also can help or maybe get creative and sing or draw or paint. As long as you are letting it out and not holding onto it anymore, go for it!

Then *deep breath* forgive yourself for believing or trusting them. Might sound strange that this one is before forgiving the person/people but hear me out. Often when we have been let down, we are upset with the people but also some of that can reaffirm all the insecurities we’ve had before. That we’re stupid, naive, unlovable, unpopular, have poor judgment or can’t ever be happy with someone. THESE ARE LIES!! And can be so ingrained in our mind that we don’t even realise they’re being constantly validated. Every-time, someone cancels plans or forgets our birthday it comes back like an annoying spot that refuses to leave. So, as hard as it is, sit down and imagine the person that you were before you were let down and tell them the truth. That they are not stupid, that they are loved, that they're not to blame and that it’s not their fault that you are hurting now. God was with you then and He is still with you now. He loved you then just as He loves you now.

Forgive the person/people that let you down. I don’t know what happened in your life to make you feel like you can’t trust people but I promise you that you have the power to forgive them. It takes so much strength to forgive someone. Pray about it, imagine them in the place and say it to them. Remember, you have God with you, no one is bigger, stronger or better than Him so even if you feel weak, He will give you strength. To forgive someone fully, it is hard and painful. But the brilliant thing is that have the power to forgive them through God. When you’ve felt out of control of the situation, you have the chance to reclaim that control. Healing and forgiveness means that you won't let what happened to you, affect the rest of your life/friendships/relationships. You have the freedom to break away from that cycle and choose to trust and love others.

Finally, accept the love and freedom that forgiveness and letting go brings. I have to be honest here, this is the one I am still struggling with. Once you have told yourself that you can’t trust anyone or God for years, it is really hard to accept that you can now. 
There are people around you who genuinely love and care about you. They want to see you succeed and have fun and walk out in faith. They get excited when you are excited for a new project and stay up talking with you when you just need to talk things through. They are also only human. Just like you are. They might forget something; they might say something; they might cancel plans but they will always love you. Don’t fall into the trap that just because someone missed your coffee catch-up that they don’t care. The people who really care about you will encourage you; hold you accountable; make time and space for you somehow; and will let you be vulnerable without judgment. You can know that you are loved and cared for, but you have to accept it too.

This is a journey (isn’t everything) and so it probably won’t happen overnight but persevere and ask God to show you how much you’re loved and for the holy spirit to fill you with peace and healing. God will never let you down, trust me.

Take care
x





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About Me

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" Hi! I'm a 21 year old student, and this blog is here to document my thoughts, feelings and events that happen in my life. I hope you'll enjoy reading them and get some comfort from knowing that you're not alone. So sit back, grab a cup of decaf tea and join me on this journey we call life.

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