It's all becoming real

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It's arrived. One email dings into my inbox, the induction timetable, online registration and enrollment information all flood my vision and I start to panic.
Is this what I want? It's all happening again! So I shut it down and breathe.
It is 4 days until I start my new university course and I am having mixed thoughts, so I thought I'd share them in case other people are in a similar boat.



I haven't been as impatient this year, mostly due to the whole once bitten twice shy syndrome which made me more apprehensive and realistic about what faces me. This also meant that when people asked me if I was excited about uni starting I felt weird about saying yes. It was almost like if i wasn't excited I wasn't happy that it was happening but that's not the case.

 I have been feeling like time was moving too fast for me and I could barely keep up. When I got those emails it turned from an idea and a concept to a reality; a reality I'd have to face on my own. The dread of meetings and lectures, of constantly explaining myself and working twice as hard just to get the assignment in on time and keep myself physically and mentally well, all whilst trying to not have a crash. I had to stop myself from going down this spiral of anxiety because this is not last year. I am not who I was and the uni is better for me too. I have far more understanding of my condition and therefore the people who support me do too. Yes, there are times where I just wish I could go through my degree without CFS. I wish I didn't have to fill out endless forms or go to many meetings with many people who I have to repeat the same things over and over again. But that is my reality, and its hitting me harder than expected. 

 I had my first meeting on Monday and even though I cried and was overly anxious for it, it was 20 times more positive than my first meeting at UCB. I know this time that people are on my side and they only want what's best for you. The thing i'm starting to learn is that Universities want to help you get the best experience and degree you can, so even though it seems scary and like no one will listen I promise there will be help out there. And if you're not getting anywhere then change universities. Trust me, the stress of moving will be far outweighed by the help and support you'll get somewhere else. 

 So I opened my laptop back up read the emails did everything I needed to do slowly and calmly and now I feel ready for the next step. This doesn't mean I'm anxiety free but I feel that I might not have to fight for everything this time around. Perhaps things are finally looking up for me...?

Take care
x



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About Me

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" Hi! I'm a 21 year old student, and this blog is here to document my thoughts, feelings and events that happen in my life. I hope you'll enjoy reading them and get some comfort from knowing that you're not alone. So sit back, grab a cup of decaf tea and join me on this journey we call life.

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