Starting again

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So the time has come for me to move to my University city, again. My last post about this time last year was a little bit somber and fearful because I felt absolutely terrified about moving out. I didn't want to leave my family, especially my newly born nephew, I'd just been diagnosed with CFS and it was incredibly stressful as my sister was getting married at the same time. This time around though, I feel very differently. 
I am obviously still nervous about starting my course and the challenges I'll face with studying whilst managing my condition, however, I am not home sick or scared. I was far more relaxed moving into my new place than I ever was moving into halls in Birmingham. I didn't cry when my parents left, actually I haven't cried at all! Which is amazing as I didn't last two days in halls without having a major cry and wanting to come home. But now, I'm cooking food for myself, shopping, taking the bins out; chatting to reception; sorting out issues; emailing everyone and I feel okay. I actually feel good! 
Living by myself in a studio flat has really helped my situation and confidence. I can set my own routine and cook whenever I want to. It is far more money and I'm basically bankrupt but I can just spend time listening to music and eating carrots and I don't have to talk to or answer to anyone. Now I am still calling my family and friends but not everyday or for hours at a time. I am in control of my life and I don't need to go home. 
This might change when I start the course and everything gets a bit more hectic but I honestly think not having 7 other students around constantly really helps my frame of mind. I'm not trying to please anyone but me; I don't have to impress or be chatty when I'm trying to conserve my energy or explain my condition a million times so that they might actually listen and turn off the music early. I also do not miss pre-drinks and people coming in after a night out, and not having to clear up horrific messes in the morning is pure paradise!

So, I have moved and I am still nostalgic about no longer being a teenager and becoming my own person. I still miss the hustle and bustle of home life, my family and the town I grew up in, but I don't feel regretful. I'm ready to move on to the next stage, after all
"There is always fear at a new start, 
But if you don't start a new chapter, 
you'll never finish the story."

Take care
x


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