The Way The Cookie Crumbles

So the time has come for me to move to my University city, again. My last post about this time last year was a little bit somber and fearful because I felt absolutely terrified about moving out. I didn't want to leave my family, especially my newly born nephew, I'd just been diagnosed with CFS and it was incredibly stressful as my sister was getting married at the same time. This time around though, I feel very differently.
I am obviously still nervous about starting my course and the challenges I'll face with studying whilst managing my condition, however, I am not home sick or scared. I was far more relaxed moving into my new place than I ever was moving into halls in Birmingham. I didn't cry when my parents left, actually I haven't cried at all! Which is amazing as I didn't last two days in halls without having a major cry and wanting to come home. But now, I'm cooking food for myself, shopping, taking the bins out; chatting to reception; sorting out issues; emailing everyone and I feel okay. I actually feel good!
Living by myself in a studio flat has really helped my situation and confidence. I can set my own routine and cook whenever I want to. It is far more money and I'm basically bankrupt but I can just spend time listening to music and eating carrots and I don't have to talk to or answer to anyone. Now I am still calling my family and friends but not everyday or for hours at a time. I am in control of my life and I don't need to go home.
This might change when I start the course and everything gets a bit more hectic but I honestly think not having 7 other students around constantly really helps my frame of mind. I'm not trying to please anyone but me; I don't have to impress or be chatty when I'm trying to conserve my energy or explain my condition a million times so that they might actually listen and turn off the music early. I also do not miss pre-drinks and people coming in after a night out, and not having to clear up horrific messes in the morning is pure paradise!

So, I have moved and I am still nostalgic about no longer being a teenager and becoming my own person. I still miss the hustle and bustle of home life, my family and the town I grew up in, but I don't feel regretful. I'm ready to move on to the next stage, after all
"There is always fear at a new start,
But if you don't start a new chapter,
you'll never finish the story."

Take care

If you've never been to university or had any dealings with Student Finance England (SFE) I am green with envy at your blissful ignorance. They are an ordeal to say the least. I used to think that all you have to do is apply for finance and then go to uni and that's that, right?

Many people reading this have probably been in some sort of limbo where you're waiting for something to happen. It could be a new job, moving place or an appointment, whatever it is there is always a point where you have done most of the prep work and can't put your anxiety into being busy sorting it out.

At the risk of repeating myself, how is it May already?!

I am almost constantly switching between 'I want it to be august' and 'Why is this year going so quickly?' and I feel like a middle aged mother whose children are growing up too fast. If I ever say 'it feels like yesterday when I was changing nappies' then you have full permission to wrap me in a blanket and leave me on the doorstep of a retirement home.

Last month was pretty brilliant for 2016, I got to see some great friends and I felt the best I'd felt in a long time. I was cooking more and eating healthier, as well as doing more in a day. I write everything that I do in the day on my calendar so I don't forget it and when I feel like I've done nothing and wasted a month, it's nice to go back and see. I did some life admin and feel much more prepared now, although there's still so much to do before September.

I think that's the problem though, there is always more to do; more forms to fill out; more emails to write and so on until a whole year has gone past and you're trying to remember what you were doing. Therefore, it is so important to write down the times you went shopping for fun or went for a walk through a nature reserve or caught coffee with someone because those moments matter at the end much more than the time you wrote an email. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do the life admin things but write the positives down so you don't feel like you're wasting life, because you're probably not.

Anyway this is just a quick one as I've not got much concentration today.

Take care

The Way The Cookie Crumbles

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